Friday, December 04, 2009

karma...?

I am a stubborn person with a quick temper. I am used to having things go my way, and people listening to what I say, or I'll make them do. I have my pride and I don't give in easily. I have had guys who look only at me, pamper me, give in to all my whims and fancies, and never question what I say... guys who treated me like a queen.

Could it be karma? Because now, I have someone who has made me want to give my all. I would not say that I have done a fantastic job, but after he had a long day, I would try to be there for him, helping with this and that, even though I am also tired... And after he had a bad day, I would try to offer words of encouragement, and feel bad that there’s nothing more I could do. I wait everyday, for someone who would be facing the computer when he gets home. Constantly, I would subconsciously fear that I would do or say something that would piss him off. In front of this person, I try hard not to throw tantrums like I used to, or be stubborn and insist on my ways. At times when I feel like arguing or screaming in anger, I try hard to keep my mouth shut, because I am simply tired of quarreling, and I know that constant quarreling would lead to an end that I’m trying to avoid. I even try to put up with the more than occasional bad temper and attitude. Sometimes I even amaze myself at how I can hold back when I feel like exploding, and sometimes, even putting this person above my pride.

However, all that I’m doing don’t seem to be enough. Why do I feel like I’m always in the wrong, even though I’ve tried so hard to change? All these sacrifices don’t seem to be appreciated. Instead, they seem to be expected of me. Being a girl, I also need someone to talk to me tenderly and gently, and when I’m stressed and frustrated, I need someone to listen to me, comfort me, and bear with my tantrums sometimes. But the one whom I’d like to be comforted by has less patience than me, a quicker temper than mine, and always seem to be even more tired and stressed than I am. And if I am important enough, why wouldn't this person put down his pride and give in sometimes?

From time to time, I feel so tired... Have I made a correct decision by saying “yes”?

duanherself
8:17 PM
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Sunday, November 29, 2009

From time to time, I get bugged by memories of the past, and I hate it. I hate how things can still affect me even though they are long over... How I wish I could get rid of those old unwanted memories... It's too unfair to the present... There's always this fear in me that history would repeat... fear of going through that kind of pain again... Painful experiences have made me wiser, but at the same time more wary as well... Sigh... Healing takes time, but I am not sure if it would be complete...

duanherself
11:22 AM
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Saturday, September 19, 2009

Like A Child

saranghanda malhago nar batachulttaeyen
do isang nanun banrakae obotago chashin isskae malhaenohgo
Charananun yokshimein mohana jijiman
tto haru jongil guteye senggagein nan-mam juryoyo
semi manhaso (aijorom)
kobi manhaso (pabojorom)
irohge nayu khyottyoso u-nunke mitoji-jiga hanhoso
Nomu juhaso nomu bochaso
nunur ttumyon ta sarajil-kkaba jom muturoyo
jugo shipundae (nae motunjol)
batgo shipundae (nae mamul)
namduljorom hal su issnun-gon da hamkke narugo shipunde
mami kupheso suki jupaso
khusiri muto manjige duerkkabwa buranhehajyo
usge hajweso (aijorom)
ulgae hajweto (pabojorom)
iron solremul byon saengae tto hanbon nukkil so issikae hajweso
mitkae hajweso himi twejweso
Nunul ttumyon joumuro hanun mal jom komawoyo
naegae wajwuiso kkumkkuke haejweso
uriranun solmurul jun kudae
na sarangheyo


English translation:

When you tell me that you love me and you accept me
I say to myself confidently that I have nothing else I need
Although I feel ashamed of my growing greed
I think about you all day again and I feel uneasy

I have a lot of envy (like a child)
I have a lot of fears (like a fool)
I can’t believe that right now you are near smiling at me
I am so happy that it’s overwhelming to me
I fear that when I open my eyes everything will disappear
So I can’t fall asleep

I want to give you (my everything)
I want to feel (your heart)
Everything that others do I want to share with you
My heart is too hasty and narrow minded, I feel anxious, I feel nervous
That everything will disappear
I am worried

For making me laugh (like a child)
For making me cry (like a fool)
For making me feel this flutter in my heart once again
For allowing me to trust you, for being a strength to me
When I open my eyes the first word I want to say is
Thank you so much

For being here by my side, for letting me dream
For being you who gives “US” as a present
I love you

(http://kreah-craze.com/)

duanherself
4:10 PM
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Monday, July 20, 2009

每一段感情刚开始的时候，都是最美好的吧？ 当过了一段时间，我们都会变得懒惰，不再那么用心，也不会那么在乎对方对我们的言行举止会有什么看法。而对于对方所作的一切与付出，我们是否都会当成理所当然呢？

相处久了，人与人之间自然也会有磨擦，争吵也会越来越多... 但两个彼此相爱的人，为什么会一直伤害彼此呢？ 我也有我的自尊... 某些东西忍耐久了也会累... 我有能力坚持下去吗？ 能坚持一辈子吗？ 这个问题我其实也没有勇气回答... 因为我根本不希望会有别的结果... 如果能不争吵就好了...

duanherself
7:31 AM
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Monday, June 08, 2009

Even my tears are worthless now...

Just what am I?

To my employers, my family, my beloved...

Just what am I?

Am I expecting too much?

So much doubt in my mind now...

Why don't I have anywhere to turn to?

duanherself
12:17 AM
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Sunday, May 24, 2009

曾經以為自己可以很理智的談戀愛，但最近才發現原來那是因為我並沒有真正的投入感情。最近真的覺得有點累... 常常情緒失控，又不知道該向誰傾訴，往哪裡發泄... 我陷得太深了嗎？如果不愛得那麼深會比較好嗎？而我到底是在愛一個人，還是隻想佔有他呢？如果愛不一定要佔有，那我是否真正的愛他呢？

人啊... 真難滿足... 安穩的時候尋找刺激，找到了卻又想要安穩... 人有時候就是犯賤...　明明已經得到了很好的，又在雞蛋裡挑骨頭... 等到失去了，才知道原來自己過去也是很幸福的... 到底愛人還是被愛比較幸福？有人知道答案嗎？

有時候也常問自己是否比較適合單身，但也知道自己是個不堪寂寞的人... 呵呵... 多可笑呀... Ｂｕｔ　ａｎｙｗａｙ，若是后悔也來不及了... 因為我已經無法自拔了...

duanherself
11:20 AM
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Saturday, February 21, 2009

For the past week or so, I've been feeling like I'm dreaming. Things have been happening so quickly that it feels almost unreal and unbelievable. I feel happy and loved... almost like a princess (corny but true, lol)... and I hate to think that I almost missed it...

At the same time, I feel that haven't done anything to deserve this happiness, or someone this amazing. I feel that I'm not good enough, and I don't know what I can do to balance out all that I've received. I haven't felt like this before, and I have to admit it is quite disconcerting... There's always this nagging feeling of insecurity and fear that this happiness wouldn't last - like a beautiful fireworks display that comes quickly but ends as quickly too...

Que sera, sera... But I really do wish that the fireworks would go on forever...

Oppa... Sarang-hae yo... =)

duanherself
2:10 PM
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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

猜不透

猜不透
你最近时好时坏的沈默
我也不想去追问太多
让试探为彼此的心　上了锁

猜不透
相处会比分开还寂寞
两个人都只是得过且过
无法感受每次触摸　是真的 是热的

如果忽远忽近的洒脱
是你要的自由
那我宁愿回到一个人生活

如果忽冷忽热的温柔
是你的藉口
那我宁愿对你从没认真过

到底这感觉谁对谁错
我已不想追究
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

duanherself
9:58 PM
0 comments

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Saturday, January 17, 2009

norul saranghae...

My favourite scene from Coffee Prince... It's been awhile since I watched the show, but it still touches me... Would anyone ever do that for me? haha...

Lyrics

duanherself
2:25 PM
0 comments

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

duanherself
12:42 AM
0 comments

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